So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
