Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
