i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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