I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
