I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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