I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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