You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
