My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
