He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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