She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
