There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
