white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
