Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize