Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i think i just lost a toe
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize