and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
being pregnant is like rehab
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
