i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize