dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
