Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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