Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
