when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
