Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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