your thong is hanging out like whoa
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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