i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
