Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
