grandma shit on top of the toilet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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