a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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