She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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