I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
