just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
