Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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