We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
