it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
