you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
