PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
