Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
