and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
