The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
