forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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