i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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