Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
