is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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