You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
