His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
where does the pee come out of this thing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
