I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
