Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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