at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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