Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
