she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
