It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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