i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
