I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
