New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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