the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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