If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
