So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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