i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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