if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
