CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
