I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
another moral hangover. fuck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
