Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
