The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
