The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
