Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
