He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I want her autograph on my taint
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
