Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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