Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
